After a big loss, some people disappear. Nobody warns you about that.
It happened to us. This is from the end of my book:
"We lost Zoe, and then we started losing our friends. Zoe was the connector, and now she's gone."
These were people we'd done life with for years. Some of them showed up for us through the worst of Zoe's illness. Then she died, and they faded out.
I don't think most of them meant to hurt us. In the book I wrote that they "simply couldn't handle Zoe's death." They didn't know what to say, so they said nothing.
We changed too. After everything with Zoe, Corey and I had no patience left for things that didn't matter. Some people didn't like that. That's okay.
I still miss some of them. Both things are true.
Then something else happened. Old friends came back. New people showed up who we never expected. There's a saying in the grief world that I didn't believe until it happened to us:
"After a traumatic loss, family and friends often become strangers… and strangers become friends and family."
If your circle got smaller
You're allowed to miss people who let you down.
You don't have to chase anyone who disappeared.
Notice who did show up, even if it's one person, or someone you barely knew.
Tell that person what helped. They probably don't know.
This is the line I hold onto:
"The people who are meant to be with you and want to support you will find you, if only you open yourself up to it."
If you're feeling alone in this, you don't have to talk it through by yourself. You can book a session with me.